In Unspoken Agreement
But what we often don`t see is that some of these agreements are conscious, but many of them are unconscious. Conscious diversity is spoken or written. Unconscious agreements are unchallenged, but they are often just as powerful to us, even if we may not even be aware of them. Communication breakdowns in agreements are so frequent that one would expect it. I do not think it is due to an erroneous attempt to understand or be understood. Most people desperately want to be understood even more than they want to agree. Staying the course with our agreements means applying these good practices in a consistent manner. The alternative is disastrous and costly. Believe me, I`ve seen it. Third, renegotiating agreements that you may not be able to respect: familiarizing with colleagues can lead to tacit assumptions that they do not object to you launching a deadline or providing only part of what you have promised. This is an imaginary and tacit agreement that may not be true at all.
If you have to break a deal, you renegotiate first with all the players involved and have enough time for everyone to adapt again. Then move forward in good faith. In the sense of “establishment” there are some good practices for listening and speaking, to conclude clear and achievable agreements for all parties involved. I train in my own organization and advise my clients to do the same in all their interactions. And so on. We bring these agreements (which often look like opinions) everywhere. The same is natural for everyone else. And that`s exactly how the disagreement over what was said, what was said, or what should be, suddenly becomes much more likely. We attribute our own labels and meanings to things based on our own perspective and where we come from. And that`s how it`s about not getting their points with the speakers, and the listeners don`t get the information they want. From these discussions put on, equally well-drafted agreements and, before we knew it, we prepared ourselves for some epic misunderstandings. Then, before we know it, our opinions (rules of the game of life) begin to influence our agreements.
But what if you have a conversation with someone who has a different view of the world than yours? This can disrupt any kind of understanding we are trying to forge. Interruption, discernment, disagreements and emotions are now in the driver`s seat, and our focus is primarily on maintaining our own agreements that we have already made with the world. Unspoken and poorly communicated agreements are like small time-delay bombs that can leave at any time. And the more we do not practice good communication as spokespersons and listeners, the more we produce these little time-delay bombs that will explode if we least expect and cause enormous chaos. Our lives are animated by the multitude of agreements we make every day. I sometimes call it “the hypnosis of youth,” the things we learn early on, that become our opinion on how the world should work and how to play the game of life. And that is the beginning of the agreements that we are beginning to conclude with ourselves. Fourth, clean up broken chords: no one is perfect, and sometimes you find yourself in a situation that prevents you from complying with your agreement.